Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
