This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
