my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My vagina just recognized that song.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
