That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
