He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
