I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
