Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
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Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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