it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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