I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i think im in europe. pls send help
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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