She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
