I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
