yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
