I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
