I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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