My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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