The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
