i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
