Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
