just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
