he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Randomize
