Are we in a gay sports bar?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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