:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We are all done wearing pants today
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
