I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
