We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
