And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
