Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
