dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
