No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
