Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
