he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
