New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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