i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
