Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
