Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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