Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
