I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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