I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
