I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
