Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
