Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
