I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
