2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
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it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
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I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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