he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You were trust falling into bushes
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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