note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
