the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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