Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
