just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
