I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
