Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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