Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
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I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
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I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I supernannyed him into submission
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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