Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
