I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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