lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
