It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
