I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
