We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
