there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
