Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
