she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
