Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
