yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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