someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
