I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
