just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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