Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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