hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
