Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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