I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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