The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
