on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
